Brokenness sometimes overwhelms me at Christmas, the fog rolling in tonight a stealthy reminder despite its soft beauty. When I was a freshman in college, we
opened our gifts on Christmas Eve to accommodate my brother’s stepson and his
other grandparents. On Christmas
morning, my mother’s birthday, her father died at 3:00 a.m. We’ve opened gifts on Christmas Eve
ever since.
Two years ago was the first Christmas without my daddy. One year ago was the first Christmas
without his sister. This is the
first Christmas without my brother, the last of the immediate family. And here I am in Tennessee, while my
mother celebrates Christmas without family.
Yet we celebrate, because the Babe came to bring hope, to bring light, to offer
the star that ever shines above our Mordor, no matter how impenetrable the
clouds of sin and sorrow may seem.
On this foggy Christmas Eve, I have our own unique Christmas tree to
remind me.
The jade is an offshoot of the one my daddy grew at the
University of Kansas; his was quite a large tree when it finally died long
after his retirement. But he had
given me a shoot from it when I got married – “it’s the only thing I know you
won’t kill,” he teased me, knowing I never remember to water plants. We lost the original, I fear, to the
abuse of some move or other, but this is its descendent. We never got a “real” Christmas tree,
because we always traveled to my parents’ home, where a tree and wreaths and lights and cookies waited, when the kids were
growing up – but I love the little blue lights in the glossy green of the jade
leaves, and the simple crèche at its foot.
As this jade with its tiny lights comes from my father’s better-cared-for
and massive plant, I am reminded that hope comes from my heavenly Father’s gift
– and however much I and the rest of the world may try to darken and twist and destroy
that gift, we cannot. His light
will always be shining, always be waiting, anticipating our upturned eyes to
see. And even the tiniest light
will penetrate the darkness if we only look.
A blessed Christmas to all, especially to those who suffer
loneliness, loss, sorrow this season.
May His light brighten even the darkest moments with His hope.